


Perspectives on Crisis Management

by onemechanicalalligator



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Autistic Character, Friendship, Gen, Sensory Overload
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:09:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25054408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onemechanicalalligator/pseuds/onemechanicalalligator
Summary: Troy drops to his hands and knees and crawls to the corner of the fort, where he finds Abed jammed into the small space between the dresser and the wall, covered with a blanket.Abed has a hard day and Troy is there for him. The style of this is a little experimental, so consider this your warning.
Relationships: Troy Barnes & Abed Nadir
Comments: 14
Kudos: 118





	Perspectives on Crisis Management

_Troy_

A few weeks after Troy and Abed welcome Annie as their third roommate, Abed disappears from school at lunchtime. He also doesn’t show up to the study group that afternoon, which sets everyone on alert. Troy and Annie both text him to find out where he went, and he replies with one word:

**Sick.**

Troy finds this suspicious, because even when he’s sick, Abed doesn’t usually just vanish without telling anyone. Annie agrees, and when the study group is over they head home together, trying not to worry. Annie ducks into a convenience store on the way and picks up some ginger ale and cold medicine, just in case Abed really is sick, and when they get to the apartment, they can’t find him.

For a moment Troy panics, and then Annie does the sensible thing and calls Abed’s cell phone, and they both hear it ring. So he must be home, or else he left his phone behind, but that seems uncharacteristic of Abed. Then again, so does this whole situation.

They follow the sound of the phone and it leads them into the blanket fort. It appears empty, the phone sitting on the floor at the foot of the bed, but as Annie turns to leave, Troy hears a small sound, like the sound of someone shifting positions, like maybe someone who doesn’t want to be discovered, but who really actually _does._

Troy drops to his hands and knees and crawls to the corner of the fort, where he finds Abed jammed into the small space between the dresser and the wall, covered with a blanket. He has his legs pulled up to his chest and when Troy gently peels the blanket back, he sees that Abed is resting his head on his knees so that his whole face is covered.

Abed doesn’t move when Troy displaces the blanket, but when Troy sets a hand on Abed’s shoulder his whole body flinches as though he’s been touched with something hot.

“I’m sorry!” Troy hisses, and pulls his hand away. Abed’s hands fly up to his ears and he smashes his palms against them and shakes his head. Soon his whole body is rocking gently, and Troy doesn’t know what to do. The blanket sits discarded on the floor, but Abed gives no indication that he wants it back. Troy turns and glances at Annie, who is perched on the bottom bunk, looking concerned.

She slides off the bed and shuffles over to Troy.

“Sit with him,” she whispers. “I’m going to leave the fort. I don’t want to overwhelm him.”

“What do I do?” Troy whispers back, petrified.

“Just sit,” she repeats. “I think that’s all you can do right now.” She ducks between the sheets that make up the outer wall of the fort, and she’s gone.

Troy moves to Annie’s spot on the bed where he can see Abed but won’t be crowding him. He sits for what feels like an eternity, helplessly watching his best friend who is clearly in pain, and unable to do a thing to make it better. He watches the subtle changes in Abed’s movements, the way his fingers dig into his skin and then relax, the way sometimes he taps his feet and sometimes they are still. The changing direction that he sways, sometimes front to back, sometimes side to side, sometimes in kind of a circle. Troy wishes he could see Abed’s face.

Abed’s repetitive motions finally cease and he unfolds himself and falls to the floor, turning so that he’s laying on his stomach, his long limbs stretched out at odd angles to fit the space around him.

“Troy?” he croaks, and it’s so quiet that Troy wouldn’t have heard him if he hadn’t been listening intently.

“I’m right here, buddy,” Troy says softly, moving to sit next to Abed on the floor.

“Can you do me a strange favor? Actually, two favors?” He sounds wary and defeated.

“Anything,” Troy says, desperate to be of use.

“Could you get my phone and headphones? And then could you, um, sit on me?”

“Sit on you?” Troy asks, already grabbing the phone from the floor and the headphones from the dresser and passing them to Abed.

“Yeah,” he says, his voice uneven. “Or lay on me. I just need…” He trails off, as though he doesn’t even know how to explain what he’s asking for.

It doesn’t matter, because Troy is already moving, positioning himself above Abed and then carefully laying down over him, blanketing him. He vaguely wonders if this should be awkward, but he’s so focused on helping Abed, he doesn’t get hung up on that thought.

Abed puts on his headphones, and Troy’s head is right next to his, but even if he were still sitting on the bed, Troy thinks he would still be able to hear the music, because that’s how high Abed has the volume. It’s surprising, because he’s never known Abed to listen to loud music. He rarely listens to music at all, in fact, at least as far as Troy can remember. He realizes he’s learning kind of a lot about his best friend right now, taking a crash course in Helping Abed.

For a long time Abed lays motionless, but Troy can feel his breathing start to slow and deepen and his muscles relax. Troy doesn’t move at all, not even when he worries that he’s crushing Abed, just waits for him to break the silence when he’s ready. Eventually, Abed pulls the headphones off. 

“You can move now.”

Troy rolls off of Abed and stands up. Abed grabs the blanket that fell on the floor earlier and wraps it around himself tightly, then goes to the bottom bunk and sits down with his back against the wall. He glances at Troy, who takes that as an invitation and sits down next to him.

“Thanks,” Abed murmurs. “I know that was weird.”

“It wasn’t weird,” Troy assures him, and he’s not even lying. “Did it...did it help?”

“Yeah. A lot.”

Abed is staring straight ahead, looking exhausted, and Troy is surprised to see a tear run down his cheek.

“Abed? Are you okay?”

Abed doesn’t answer right away, and Troy wonders if he heard him, or if he spoke too softly, if Abed’s ears are damaged from listening to such loud music, but then he hears Abed sniff.

“I’m sorry,” he says, and his voice is wet and choked.

“For what?” Troy asks, baffled, wondering if he missed something.

“For being like this. Crazy. High maintenance. For making you lay on me. I just...I’m sorry.” He is crying in earnest now and he bunches up the blanket and buries his face in it, shoulders shaking.

“Hey,” Troy says gently. “Hey, it’s okay. You’re not crazy or high maintenance, buddy. And I don’t mind laying on you if it’s what you need to feel better. I promise.”

“It’s embarrassing,” Abed says, his voice muffled. “It’s embarrassing and it’s dumb and I’m sorry.”

“Quit apologizing, okay? You have nothing to apologize for.” Troy doesn’t know how else to say it to make Abed understand.

Abed is quiet for a few minutes. Then he removes the blanket from his face, wiping his face on it in the process. 

“I hate this,” he says fiercely. “I hate being like this. I ran out in the middle of class today. I just ran out, and kept running until I got home, and I’m not even sure why, I just couldn’t be in there anymore. I don’t know why I’m like this. I don’t know why I can’t just be normal. I don’t know why it’s so hard to _just act normal.”_

Troy doesn’t have a good verbal response to this, but he hopes that since Abed asked him to lay on him, that means he’s okay with being touched again. He reaches out slowly and carefully, giving Abed plenty of time to move if he wants, and then he wraps his arms around Abed in a hug. Abed relaxes almost immediately.

“Everything is okay,” Troy promises. “And you’re pretty great, you know, just the way you are. Even when things feel bad. I can remind you, if you want. When you forget.”

“Thanks,” Abed says, and he lets go of Troy but continues to lean on him, resting his head on his shoulder, his back against the wall again.

When Annie checks on them a little while later, Abed is in the same position, fast asleep. Troy gives Annie a thumbs up. She sneaks over and gives Troy a hug on the side not occupied by Abed, and Troy savors the moment, sandwiched between his friends.

* * *

_Abed_

A few weeks after Troy and Abed welcome Annie as their third roommate  
Abed is sitting in class  
and he can’t follow what’s happening at all. 

He can hear the words his instructor is saying  
but it’s like they won’t stick  
like the minute they’re out of his mouth they’re gone forever  
and Abed is left wondering what he missed. 

He tries to take notes but he keeps getting confused and distracted  
and the sound of his pencil on the paper is loud and jarring  
and soon he can hear the sound of every pencil on every piece of paper in the classroom  
and it’s too much  
so he grabs his bag and runs from the room  
literally runs  
and he’s so embarrassed he feels like he’s going to throw up. 

He doesn’t want to do that either  
so he just keeps running  
and the next thing he knows he’s at home.

He searches for the smallest, safest place in the apartment  
and it’s the corner of the blanket fort between the wall and the dresser.

He squeezes in  
barely able to fit  
and it’s perfect.

He sits completely still  
waiting for the terrible feeling to pass  
but it’s settled in his blood  
and bones  
and there’s no escaping it.

He can hear the hum of the refrigerator  
the neighbors talking in the apartment next door  
the birds screeching outside.

He hears the chime of his cell phone  
and it’s Troy and Annie  
asking where he is.

He owes them an explanation  
but the screen of his phone is too bright  
it’s hurting his eyes  
giving him a headache  
so he sends a single word:  
 **Sick.** **  
**and then tosses his phone across the room.

There’s a blanket on the floor next to Abed  
and he picks it up, covers himself with it. 

He sits there huddled in the dark  
unsure of what he needs  
of what he should do.

He tries to withdraw inside himself  
to ignore the stimuli that are bombarding him  
making him feel like he’s going to explode  
or shatter  
or burst into flames.

He focuses on the darkness under the blanket.

He’s not sure how much time has passed when he hears the front door open  
and he realizes Troy and Annie are home.

He feels like he should say something but he can’t move  
he’s frozen  
so he just stays here and waits  
wondering if they will find him  
and if he wants them to.

He hears his phone ring  
and a few seconds later Troy and Annie enter the fort.

He moves his foot slightly without even thinking about it  
like his body decided without him  
to alert his friends of his presence.

His face is resting on his knees  
his eyes covered  
but he can tell right away that it’s Troy who moves the blanket  
and it’s confirmed when he puts a hand on Abed’s shoulder.

It feels like someone has set a hot iron down on him  
and he jumps and bites his tongue to keep from screaming  
and he feels like the worst friend in the world.

The pain vanishes and Troy apologizes.

Abed is once again overwhelmed by sounds  
and he puts his hands over his ears  
pressing them there so he can hear the whooshing of blood inside his head.

He becomes vaguely aware that he is rocking back and forth  
and he couldn’t stop even if he wanted to  
but he doesn’t want to  
can’t bear the thought of being still for even a second.

Even with his hands over his ears  
he can hear everything  
can hear Troy and Annie whispering  
and he wants the blanket back  
but when he tries to think about what it would take  
his brain shorts out and he can’t think at all  
so he gives up. 

Abed falls back inside himself  
and he continues to rock in different directions  
trying different things  
little things  
moving his fingers or tapping his feet  
trying to find something that will bring him relief.

He starts to feel like he is floating  
like there is nothing tethering him to the planet  
his skin feels like taut elastic  
and he  
 _can’t_ _  
__stand_ _  
__it._

He drops to the floor  
sprawls out on his stomach  
mortified at what he is about to do  
but he can’t see another solution  
and he thinks if he stays like this another minute  
he might actually die.

He asks Troy for help.

He forces his broken voice to ask Troy to bring him headphones  
so he can drown out everything  
and replace it with something he can focus on.

He asks Troy to lay on him  
to ground him  
to keep him here  
on this planet  
to keep him from  
dissolving  
or disappearing  
or detonating.

Troy does.

Abed puts on the headphones  
picks the same song he’s been listening to on repeat for the last six days  
and turns the volume up as loud as it goes. 

He vaguely thinks this is probably bad for his ears  
but he doesn’t care  
if he doesn’t stop this feeling maybe he won’t even have ears to worry about.

He focuses on the music, lets it drown out everything else, lets his brain pick out the different parts, the percussion, the bass, the melody, the lyrics.

He can feel his mind slowing down as it absorbs the music, processes it, and he is comforted by the familiarity, the repetition.

The weight of Troy on top of him is pressing him into the ground, forcing him to acknowledge that it’s there and he’s bound to it, making him feel connected, safe.

He lets himself be engulfed in the pressure of Troy and the volume of the music, letting those sensations wrap around him and hold him, putting the pieces of himself back together.

He tries to clear his mind and be in the moment, like he’s been trying to do all day, but this time he actually succeeds, he manages to get himself to a place where everything stops hurting, where it seems like it might be okay.

When he feels safe back in his body, he pulls off his headphones and tells Troy that he can move. He picks up the blanket and wraps it around himself, still finding comfort in that little bit of pressure, and he sits on the bed, and Troy comes and sits beside him.

He thanks Troy, and when he does, he’s hit with a wave of shame, the knowledge that he hasn’t been living with his best friend for very long and he’s already ruining things, creating uncomfortable situations, depending on Troy to do things he shouldn’t have to do. Abed feels like a monster, a creature sent here to suck the life out of everyone who’s ever cared about him because he can’t just take care of himself.

Troy notices him crying before he even does, and he figures that’s his cue to apologize. He tells Troy he’s sorry for being like this, for all of this, and just saying the words makes him cry harder, and crying harder makes him feel more shame, like he needs to apologize even more, and he starts to panic, wondering how to get out of this cycle. He covers his face with the blanket again.

It’s Troy who gets him out of the cycle. Troy, who is nothing but kindness and heart, who tells him he doesn’t need to apologize, and says it in a way that makes Abed think he might believe him someday. 

He tells Troy what happened at school, tries to explain how he’s feeling, but he doesn’t have the vocabulary so he just kind of repeats different variations of the same thing, and it’s meaningless, but Troy receives it like it is everything. He wraps his arms around Abed and holds him and tells him that everything is okay, says kind things about him, reassures him, promises to keep reassuring him, and finally Abed feels his shoulders fall, and he hadn’t realized how tense he was.

He lets go of Troy and then leans on him, planning to rest his head on his shoulder for just a moment. As he starts to fall asleep, it occurs to him that for the first time today, he feels whole.


End file.
